Potentially Life Changing

Ask yourself...

Ammolite - collage by Cheryl O Art

I thought I knew, but didn’t really know. The idea itself wasn’t new to the gray matter, but the application was lacking. Once I started working on this, it had real life impact.

I refer to the recommendation to; ask the right questions.1

The questions that we ask can directly influence the quality of our life to a remarkable extent. Let’s unpack this, with a commonly asked question.

When faced with a decision, minor or major, people tend to ask “What would make me happy?”

Here is my personal definition of happiness.

Happiness is a little bird that comes to sit with you from time to time, but never will be tamed. COA

Happiness can be illusive. It comes and goes and it won’t be conjured up by will power alone.

By asking the question, “What would make me happy?” as a primary decision making question, we are chasing this illusive thing called happiness. Is this wise? I would say, no, since it is beyond our control.

What could be a better question?

A more fruitful question may be, ‘Will this action/decision enlarge or diminish my life?”

Think of the most vibrantly alive people you know. I am betting they are folks who are still learning, growing, and so enlarging their life - and that with complete disregard for their age. This group easily includes age 5 to age 105.

Be prepared, when asking good questions, more questions have a way of rudely butting in, on the way to a possible resolution.

Another great question

When asking the enlarge or diminish question, a next logical question might be, “What is important to me, what do I value, in my life.”2

That’s a very personal question and no one else can decide that for you. But until you figure that out, until you identify some core values, how can you decide what things would enlarge your life?

Linking this back to the happiness question - we can encourage an internal space where happiness is more liable to come and sit with us. This is best achieved when both mind and actions are aligned with what we care about, our values.

Determining your values is not an airy fairy type of examining. It is one of the most down to earth processes you can do. There are many diverse and worthwhile values, e.g. humour, creativity, fitness, kindness, inner strength, to name just a few of infinite possibilities - and these can change as we age.

In my own value system, there is no ‘higher’ calling except if it has positive effect on others. And I am happy to say (ah that illusive little bird just flitted by), I am happy to say that valuing kindness, helpfulness, compassion, and such caring qualities is quite common among humans.

Without people who value the caring qualities, there would be a lot less good in the world. Hm. Not strong enough. Without people who value the caring qualities, life would be hell. And when you think about it, those same caring values are meaningless unless you are interacting with others.

Back to decision making. Another decision making question could be, ‘Does this choice line up with my values?’

Final Tips

Will asking good questions always make decisions clear?

There is no always on the convoluted path we walk, but there are still questions that can be helpful along the way.

Life is complicated. Sometimes there is no right or wrong, just the choosing and the doing and see how it works out. Life’s always an adventure. There is a heck of a lot more than just the bluebird of happiness that we can’t control!

Last tip about decision questions - don’t forget specific questions as well as the bigger general ones. Both matter.

I’ve seen this as an art instructor. When a student says, “I don’t like my painting.”, I encourage them to be as specific as possible. Is it the colour, the shapes, the brush marks, the overall composition, even the subject itself, that they don’t like? Once specifics are established, what to change becomes more obvious.

And so it is with bigger life questions too. What are the specifics that will be impacted by this decision? How will those results line up with my values?

Conclusion

If you are content with your life, I expect you have found a way of living that aligns with your core values. You probably don’t need this article, but perhaps its’ still an encouragement to you. Because... changes.

So I leave one final question with you, “What questions would be helpful for you to ask today?”

Yours for a kinder and more creative world,

Cheryl O Art

Footnotes:

1

The concept of “ask the right question” is attributed to the science philosopher Thomas Kuhn in the 1960’s. Many other influential philosophers, scientists, and creatives have highly valued the process of questioning in their work - with the right questions.

2

Core values and their impact is well expressed in Master of Change by Brad Stulberg and has influenced my thoughts. Recommended reading.